I know I have talked about this before so I will keep it short: I live in a very small town and I have no friends.
But until today, I didn’t realize how much of an issue this is becoming for me.
A year ago, my division at work moved into a beautiful new office. I have my own office! Thing is, it’s only me and my 64 year old (vanilla) manager – yup, that’s the whole northern division! The job is all administrative so we don’t have customers coming in.
Because of the topography and geography of where this town is located, it is impossible to get radio signals. The company has removed streaming from our internet so we can no longer get radio on-line. (And yes I tried short wave, too)
There is no chat function and we no longer have access to Facebook or YouTube.
The company has also recently come down hard on staff misusing internet. I understand that.
But my computer has been my only link to the outside world during the day. Now, I get no news updates, I don’t interact with anyone.
There are times when the quietness and loneliness make me want to scream.
I joined a gym this summer; there were usually no women there when I was. I joined the YMCA to use their cardio room; there are no women – in fact there was only one guy in there last night.
There are no groups to join and no bookstores to hang out at. And walking round and round a near empty WalMart in the evening is depressing as hell.
Recently a social dancing group started giving lessons. My husband and I joined. We are the youngest couple there and the majority of the rest are retired.
I am experiencing an isolation so almost complete that sometimes I want to scream. Today, I had to go outside and just breathe, let the cool air nip at me…just to feel something other than drowning.
With all that has gone on at work recently re the computers, Sir has tempered his e-mails (plus he is very busy now because of his promotion). Others do not write me at work because of the computer usage watch that is happening. And I can’t read/answer any of my g-mail if it is raunchy.
I feel like the only supports I had are gradually slipping away from me.
I like my job, I enjoy the work. The abuse of internet has lead to all the restrictions, and yes they have every right to do that.
But my world has slipped away.
And now I am sitting in solitary confinement.
4 comments
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November 11, 2009 at 12:23 am
Aurore
While I’ve never been in a situation quite that isolating (currently my laptop is almost an appendage with unfettered access at all times) I know how isolating and lonely it can be. The dark place it can take you. Hopefully, you find a way to cope and feel free to drop me a line if you want.
November 11, 2009 at 8:44 pm
dragonfly
I am your friend, my beautiful sister.. no matter what.. no matter where.. here, there and everywhere!!!!!
love you
xoxoxoxo
November 16, 2009 at 3:49 am
Caundy
After leaving California for Colorado a number of years ago, I discovered a similar isolation. Over time that isolation recedes as you start to discover the beauties of your new home. Maybe there isn’t everything you once had but find that one thing that really draws you in and you’ll be set for life.
I love the weather and the four seasons, something California was lacking. People are different here, they aren’t all about the show but about the inside.
Internet access, that’s a different story. Setup a computer at home and use Remote Desktop to access it. They shouldn’t block the outbound communication to your home computer and you’ll have unfettered and secured access to your blog, email, etc., without having to worry about big-brother looking over your shoulder.
And btw, you got yourself a great journal. I look forward to continued reading.
November 16, 2009 at 6:38 am
andromedachained
@aurore = I apologize for not publicly acknowledging this e-mail. We have corresponded privately as a result of this comment and I thank you for that. It helps to know that I’m not the only one who has experienced this.
@dragonfly – love you, too, sweet sister! What would I do without you??
@caundy – welcome and thank you for your thoughts and kind words. I will see what I can do about Remote Access. As for this place where I now live, I will tell you that I very much love the physical beauty of the area and I know I am blessed to live here. I look forward to getting to know you.