Just the Two of Us

A long time ago, way back when I was in middle school, I was going on a school trip. When it came time for the permission form to be filled out, my mother and I were giggling over the question about my health. Now for my mother and I to actually be giggling together over anything was unique in itself. I don’t remember who said “split personality” first, but it was so funny and SO not me, we actually put that down on the sheet.

The prinicpal was quite concerned and called my mom; he did not have the same sense of humour. I think he watched me like a hawk for the rest of my time at that school.

I am remembering this particular incident because it seems to be the starting point of the theme of two-of-me-in-one-body in my life. No, I do not have split personality. (By the way, I know the correct name of this condition has been updated but I can’t remember what it is.)

It’s just that it seems here are two of me in this body. There is the smart, nerdy, follow-the-rules, boring, hum-drum introverted me. And then buried just below the surface is the adventurous, live-on-the-edge, insatiable sex-loving extrovert. The extrovert gets out every so often. The introvert rules though.

If I take it one step further…the introvert is vanilla me and submissive me is the extrovert. Good god, some days I hate being the introvert. I long to let loose, and just be me…the extrovert. But it can’t be.

It’s not appropriate.

It’s not acceptable.

It’s not how a proper wife and mother would act.

And when you are married to a vanilla…well, that other inner person is not welcomed.

In some ways, she is dying inside me.

And only one will be left.

The Lover’s Day

I don’t know what I think about Valentine’s Day anymore. As a child it was fraught with anxiety over how many valentines I would receive at school – did any of the boys like me?? Nowadays, it’s trying to find just the right gift for your significant other and/or lover.

It’s easy to go out and load up on chocolate (and lord knows almost everyone loves to receive it) and pick out that card that best says how you feel. But, like Christmas, isn’t this over-commercialised and impersonal?

I have been thinking this through and asking myself what I would find romantic or loving on February 14th. The first thing that came to mind was a handwritten letter or poem (by the sender or a poet). It shows that you thought about your feelings and actually took the time in this e-mail age to do it. I have also received plants and they have been lovely, sitting on my desk or somewhere at home where I can enjoy them everyday and think of the sender. A token, as simple as a special stone (yes, I am talking about rocks, not expensive jewels) or ankle bracelet, speaks to my heart. I was given a tiny padlock once which spoke volumes.

So, for me, Valentine’s can be used as a gesture of thoughtfulness, appreciation, and affection – but the gift, the token, is still there day after day reminding you of that person. It does not have to be expensive. It’s the thought put into the choice that gives the gift its true value.

So, I guess this is where I stand lol: against commercialization and all for a special sign.

Friday Fill-Ins

#162

And…here we go!

1. I know _only one thing for sure: opening your heart to love, be it lover or friend or child, can bring heartache – but also the most intense and pure joy.____________.
2. _As I get older, I don’t experience any month in the year as_ the longest month.
3. You can’t help but _laugh at poor Australian Dave who opened his e-mail pics of a half-nekkid model whilst his colleague was being interviewed live on T.V.  Dave’s screen was on live T.V. too!

4. _It’s Friday, the week is done, the weekend is on the horizon__; bring it on!
5. Where have you looked _for Valentine’s Day gifts this year_____________?
6. __The newest book by Roger Ellory is__ is now available.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to _homemade pizza____, tomorrow my plans include _a bit of work (yuck)____ and Sunday, I want to _get my space organised____!

Half-Nekkid Thursday

Chain of Light

This week, I’m continuing with the theme of reflecting light.  Yes it is against my skin. Sir knows exactly where

Do You Ever?

Do you ever feel like you are supposed to walk on glass for others and endure the pain without comment, without feeling hurt?

I do.

Friday Fill-Ins

#161

And…here we go!

1. Wouldn’t it be easy _if we could just wish ourselves away? Ooops, wrong lyric….but same sentiment_____.
2. _I plan to make this year__ better than ever!
3. I love the taste of _ripe strawberries while drinking chardonnay…O.M.G!_.
4. __Right now I am sitting_____ in the living room.
5. The first thing we’re going to do is _hold each other close____.
6. __There was a leak in the roof at work - drip, drip, drip; _and then the roof crashed in_.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to _a good night’s sleep, tomorrow my plans include _having a MRI____ and Sunday, I want to _write____!

Half-Nekkid Thursday

Sun Spray

Happy HNT!  I love this picture -hope you do, too!

A Belle de Jour Hangover?

You know how there are copycat murders? Well, it appears there are now copycat ‘out-ings’ of blogger escorts.

One of my favourite blogs has been The Real Princess Diaries. A high-end escort named Alexa is the author. Oh, and she is also a Ph.D student (I don’t remember the name of the program but I believe it’s a combo of women’s studies and sex and psychology). She is one helluva writer; smart, funny, open, adventurous, and sexy. She is an advocate for women’s rights, including the right to be an escort if that is what a woman wants to do. I can honestly say that she is living the life that I wished for when I was her age – including high-end escorting!

Alexa’s blog had been on hiatus over the holiday season. Occasionally when I peeked over to see if she was back, the site was down. I assumed it was for maintenance.

I checked in last night to see if she was back and was so totally disappointed to find that she was closing down and would no longer be blogging. She said it was good that she would have the time to concentrate on finishing her thesis. But it also became quite apparent that something had happened in the intervening weeks that had to do with her being ‘outed’ by other escorts. She mentioned something about another website named ‘Expose a Ho’ (that isn’t the correct styling of the name of the blog) that she was not a part of it and did not want people involved with it.

I popped over to said Expose a Ho site and was concerned/shocked/surprised/horrified/disappointed/(insert emotion here) to find someone has taken it upon themselves to do a little revenge-like outing of their own. From what I gather,

the author(s) are after the true identities of these escorts who have decided to out those blogger escorts that they don’t believe are legit (a.k.a Alexa). They offer $250 for info leading to the true identity of these escort-outters. Follow that?

I’ve dubbed this a ‘Belle de Jour hangover’. You heard about Belle? She blogged about her days as a high-end escort in London and then wrote a book based on the blog which then became a TV show in the U.K. She came ‘out’ just before Christmas because a newspaper had determined who she was and were going to print it anyways. ( Today Belle is a doctor, by the way.) There had been speculation that the whole blog/book thing was a fake, not written by a real escort.

I have to say that at first there was a little part of me that was glad that Expose A Ho was doing something to get back at those trying to out other escorts they deemed as fakes. But as I read further, I became quite concerned. It is one thing to ‘out’ somebody on the ‘net; it is quite another thing to take that information and present it to the employer/family/neighbors of the said exposed ho.

Why does it have to come to this?

Friday Fill-Ins 160

#160

And…here we go!

1. You have a chance to _make a difference in Canadian politics by attending an anti-proroguing demonstration tomorrow___.
2. _I’m freezing_ right now!
3. There is a _chance of rain tomorrow___.
4. _If we don’t speak up NOW about our rights, we may lose them and pay later.
5. It’s time to _stop being mousy quiet polite Canadians and start making our voices heard: we’re mad as hell and we aren’t going to take it any more_____________.
6. _The number of protesters is _______ up in the air but _I’m hoping there will be a significant turnout_______.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to _relaxing with my new book from the Outlander series____, tomorrow my plans include _being politically active ____ and Sunday, I want to _sleep in____!

Half-Nekkid Thursday!

This picture shows something very important in my relationship with Sir:  my Touchstone.  I wear it always, either as a part of this leather bracelet (specially made to wear my Touchstone on) or on its own against my skin somewhere on my body.

Choosing my Touchstone was one of the very first things Sir assigned to me, almost two years ago.  Here is what I wrote about its symbolism:

I used the weekend also to reflect on what it was about this button that called out its association to you and me and our journey.  First and foremost was the masculine aspect, its strength.  The celtic knot, not beginning or ending, is generally associated with eternity and interconnectedness.  I decided to research a little harder about the knot theme and found this:

The Celtic knot symbol, is also referred to as the mystic knot, or the endless knot. The more esoteric or spiritual meaning of this symbol eludes to beginnings and endings. In viewing these beautiful knots,we cannot see a beginning or and end, and therefore we are reminded of the timeless nature of our spirit. This translation harkens to our most primal selves as we contemplate the infinite cycles of birth and rebirth in both physical and ethereal realms.

A less spiritual representation is also related to the knots endless nature. Due to it’s infinite path, the Celtic knot can represent an uninterrupted life cycle.Some may use this symbol as a charm of sorts – warding against sickness or setbacks that might interfere with an otherwise calm and stable life. In this vein, these knots are used as emblems, which can be found in jewelry, clothing, or home décor. In ancient times, gifts adorned with mystic knots would be given with best wishes of longevity, or luck with new endeavors.

The choice of a four corner celtic cross, also known as a shield knot, is also imbued with meaning:

The shield knot is an ancient and nearly universal symbol. The shield knot has been used for thousands of years by a variety of cultures for protection and warding.

While the common design is most often associated with the Celts and ancient Norse, the most basic form is much older. The fourfold version…(which is)  Mesopotamian in origin…is associated with protective spells invoking the gods of the four corners of the earth.

Later, it was used in the Kabbalah as a symbol of the Shema, the prayer/spell to invoke the four Archangels; it is the origin of the “Qabbalistic Cross” ritual still used today. This knot is sometimes referred to as the “Earth Square” or St. Hans cross.

The Norse and Celtic versions of the knot are used for the same purposes of protection but are related to the fourfold solar cross.

This button then represents our journey together and is a symbol of luck for our new relationship.  For me, it is also a reminder of your protection and strength when I am feeling flustered or unsure – you are with me and bring me peace.

I assume you are familiar with the Shema prayer.  I was not until today but I can see the associations between the prayer and us.  My obeisance and submission are to you only and that is a promise to wear marked on me, symbolised by my touchstone.  By having my touchstone with me at all times, I am also reminded to obey you and only you.

And the last thing that made this button the one?  It represents the knots, gordian or otherwise, you will use to bind me physically, emotionally and spiritually to you.